Me: Hey, how’s it going tonight?

Mom: Eh…it’s going.

Me: Not so good?

Mom: not really

Me: How come?

Mom: What do you think is the overdose on Fentanyl is?

Me: Not sure, guess I could look it up.

Mom: yeah

Me: (after doing a search) {{I gave her the amt/mg for what’s considered an overdose}}

Mom: So what do you think I need to take over that to actually manage it?

Me: Mom?  I really don’t want to give you that information….but I can understand why you want it.  I just really don’t want to.

Mom: I know kiddo

Me: Do you really want to know?  (Now, this was right after she’d been told that her “shoulder pain” was a metastasis and that she couldn’t have much more radiation to her brain) 

Mom: Actually yes  I do

Me: ::{{I told her}}

Mom: Thank you

Me: Please, think about it before you do anything.  I love you…and as much as this sucks, I want to love you as long as I can

Mom: I love you, too

That was the end of it.  She didn’t act on the information she got from me…I guess, thankfully.  In the end it was hard to decide if it was “easier” to see her slip away at the hospice or, perhaps, to have not seen her “slip away” had she chosen to do what she was asking me about.  All-in-all, it was about her “grandbabies” and what she wanted for them.  She didn’t want them to know she’d killed herself…of that I’m sure.  So, instead of taking “the easy way out”, she lived as long as she was allowed on this Earth…to let them know that with God’s help, all things are possible….even saying “goodbye” to those you care about the most. ❤

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